The Long Weekend 1978

In the summer of 1978 Conspiracy’s line-up was as follows
Myself on guitar, mandolin and vocals
Mark Bryan on drums and lead vocals
Andy Keightley on lead guitar and vocals
Phil Aitken (Andy’s brother in law) on bass and vocals
Dave Anderson on lead guitar, pedal steel guitar and vocals

Mark and Dave A had played together a few years earlier in Campbells Country, a professional country music band. The experience had scarred Mark somewhat and he’d had enough of playing “Jim Reeves and Johnny Cash” to grown adults dressed in cowboy suits. Dave was and still is a country music aficionado and somehow he persuaded us to be Jed Ford’s backing band for a couple of shows.

After a lot of nagging we eventually gave in and went of to Polebrook to meet Jed. He lived in a grand rectory with a grand snooker room complete with ranks of seating and a walk in dressing room for all his stage outfits. Very impressive. As far as I could tell he was from the North- probably Lancashire.

A few weeks later we turned up at a venue just outside Melton Mowbray. We opened the show with our Eagles styled set then played Jed’s intro music. Jed bounded onto the stage and began to sing in the worst fake American accent I’ve ever heard. He absolutely murdered every song. The chat between the songs was the height of insincerity. He couldn’t even count to four and would come in when he felt like- on the beat, off the beat, whatever. Our job was to try and make him sound good, and somehow we pulled it off. Audiences loved him but I hated playing for him, and so did Mark. A few weeks later we were asked to back Jed again. This time it was for a prestigious Sunday night show at the theatre in Cromer- the one on the end of the pier. He was top of the bill, we had bottom billing and Pete Sayers was also on the bill.

There was only one problem. My brother was getting married that weekend- in Glasgow! I was working for Superdrug and they took a very dim view to anyone taking a Saturday off, but I gave them months and months of notice and they consented. We had shows booked for the Friday and the Saturday as well as the show in Cromer on the Sunday. We managed to reschedule those. All I had to do was get to the wedding and back again in order to play the Sunday night show.

We (my wife Rosa and I) booked tickets on the overnight sleeper train to Glasgow which left Rugby at about 8.30 on Friday evening. We parked the van (an old Vauxhall Viva van) and when they train arrived settled down in the sleeper compartment.
It really is a great way to travel overnight. We pulled into Glasgow Central the next morning refreshed and ready for the day ahead. We tried to obtain details of the train that was to take us back that night but none was forthcoming.
We took a taxi to Pollockshaws and the flat where my brother was staying. His wedding wasn’t until 4 that afternoon so we had some time to kill. We went to the Glasgow Museum of Transport and spent an hour or two looking at old steam locomotives. Then it was off to the wedding followed by the reception. I couldn’t drink or get too caught up in the celebrations as we had a train to catch. At about 9.00 we said our farewells and a friend drove us to the station and the waiting train.

Only there was no waiting train. It seemed that contrary to what we’d been told, there was no overnight sleeper train on a Saturday night. What were we to do?

The answer was to take a train to Carstairs Junction and wait for a train from Edinburgh. We got off the train and waited on the deserted platform Was this a wild goose chase? What if this train wasn’t running? How would we get back from a station literally in the middle of nowhere?

Eventually a train appeared. It was a diesel hauling some tired old BR mark1 coaches. No buffet car, no sleeping car. And it was crowded. We climbed aboard, found some seats and settled down for an uncomfortable night’s travel.

The train stopped at every station. I woke up in the middle of the night wondering where we were. We were in Preston. We were a long time in Preston. We continued through the night, me, my wife and some squaddies, all trying to sleep and stay upright. Every bone in my body ached by the time we got off the train at Rugby. The trip from Glasgow had taken the best part of 11 hours in all.

We found the van and drove back to Northampton. I had just enough time for a shower and some breakfast when there was a knock on the door. Mark and Andy were outside in the van ready for the long drive to Cromer.

We arrived in Cromer early in the afternoon, parked up by the pierhead and walked down the pier to get a trolley for the kit. Although we were bottom of the bill all the acts would be using our PA so we loaded it in and set up. This was the first theatre I’d ever played so was looking forward to the evening with nervous excitement. The stage crew were helpful in a gay flappy way. Pete Sayers was grumpy. I’m sure he thought he should be top of the bill. He moaned about the PA constantly. We did suggest he get his own in the end.

We played our set. Two or three songs as I recall. The theatre at Cromer is quite small, about 400 seats and steeply banked so that the audience is very close. I loved the experience. It was to be 30 years before I played there again, when I played bass on a Patsy Cline Tribute Show. Pete Sayers played his set, followed by an interval. We opened the second half by playing one song then brought Jed out. It was extraordinary how he won the audience over. The man could hardly play or sing, but what a showman! He sang some of the worst songs I’ve ever had the misfortune to attempt to play, including one where I played mandolin and had to take the solo despite the fact that I’d never heard the song, didn’t know the chord sequence, and as the song progressed, realised that Jed didn’t know it either! At last the ordeal was over. We signed some autographs and loaded out.
On the way home two things happened. The first was when the van started overheating. We stopped on the road between Kings Lynn and Peterborough and somehow Andy managed to get an eyeful of scalding hot water when he opened the radiator cap to top it up. Then he realised that he’d left his guitar behind!
We arrived home at some ungodly hour. I staggered into bed and it seemed I’d only just closed my eyes before the alarm went and it was off to work. Since Friday evening I’d travelled to Glasgow, attended a wedding and reception, endured a slow and uncomfortable train journey back and driven to Cromer, played the biggest concert of my career to date and driven back. I went off to work, tired but happy.
Andy had to drive back to Cromer, stand outside the theatre waiting for someone to turn up and let him in.
His guitar was behind some curtains, exactly where he’s left it.

We backed Jed one more time I think. By then the damage was done. There was no way Conspiracy was ever going to be a country band. Speaking personally- I love country music. I just hate the way the British and Irish artists sing and play it.
I found this review of one of Jed’s albums. I think whoever reviewed it must agree with me.
http://thriftyvinyl.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/jed-ford-im-so-lonesome-i-could-cry-lus-3049-1970/